1 Month to go...

This is the last month before Lorelai's mother goes back to work. It will be a sad day when the time comes. But as working parents we have no choice but to move on with life hoping for the best in everything we do. Knowing that her mother is going back to work soon, it seems that Lorelai is rejecting top-up during the past three weeks. We tried to feed her the top-up but was denied all the time with tears. We stopped after a short try. I dare not pursuing it as she keeps on pushing the bottle away...and even closing her mouth. And the funny thing was she had it before that. She has it all the time as we always give her top-up once or twice a day.

Well...today after we got back from our usual stroll...my wife decided to give it another try. And this time will be a longer try in which I dare not to do. So I let her do all the feeding and instead I did other things keeping myself busy. And there it goes. She started to deny the bottle. And her mother was still persistent. She refused it with a cry...a short one and then followed by a much longer one and louder cry. Jesus...I couldn't stand listening to her voice telling mommy that she didn't want it. And deep in my heart though I was asking my wife to stop it too as much as I wanted her to try longer.

After 11 weeks...I have never heard her crying as hard as that one this afternoon. She really mean her cries. With tears pouring and ran down her lovely cheeks. And there I went...as much as I hated it...grabbed our camera and started filming the cry. Very sad and touching as she was begging her mommy to stop giving her the top-up. It was really excruciating to her her crying like that. I stopped the camera and went back doing my things. My eyes were burning as tears started to emerge slowly dropping drop by drop. I didn't even dare to look at them as she was still refusing the bottle.

I can tell that her mother too was crying inside her hating herself for doing this and hating me for not ahving the nerve to feed her. I told her that I wouldn't as I cannot stand listening to her crying. I will give up easily...just like that. Few days earlier I even yelled at my wife to stop the feeding as she started to cry louder. We both hated it but we have to do it. She has to accept the fact that mommy's "nenen" will be missed soon. Well...not until she gets back from work in the evening. It will have to be the bottle milk before that.

Her cries begged for mommy to stop until she gave up the struggle. She took the top-up with her eyes closed and making those baby noise probably saying that she still hated it although she's taking it. Well...that was our duty. After the feeding her mother cried. Our little place was filled with cold air as the situation turn gloomy after that. I decided to have my late lunch as they were conforting each other. Lorelai rested on her mother's chest...her favorite spot and gradually fell asleep. I quickly consumed my lunch, did the clean-up and washed myself so that I can take over looking after her while her mother eats. As usual she rested on my chest and sleep soundly before we moved into the bedroom as her mother started making cake occupying her mind getting rid of the cries that lingered in her head.