Finger Nails

So far so good. I am glad that I can be around every moment seeing my baby child growing and learning every new things and behavior she acquires. Babies are just amazing. They capture your heart every each moment you spent time with them. And that's what drowning my heart right now...my little sweetheart. Today was a long day out for her as we went out of the city. Well...we and managed and for most important she managed her moments well too except for the few things that she has to go through...when nature calls. And it is really important to go to a place where there are baby changing room made available where parents can have their babies for nappies change and breast feedings.

And a while ago I deliberately inflicted pain onto her as I tried to clip her nails. I have been struggling cutting her nails as they are really a pain in the neck for babies. She has scratches all over her face and even in the outer part of her ear. That's my most fear for now. And this evening I overdid it as the nail clipper went a little further a pinch her soft flesh in which I almost snapped it off from her little finger. Really hard to navigate the nail clipper as she moves so much. But luckily it was only a pinch..I did not cut it. Thank God. But she was crying with shock that caught me by surprise. I was devastated and feel so bad about myself. I panicked for a little while not knowing what to do as I watch her crying and screaming with tears dripping from the corner of her eyes. All I can do was crying along with her. I tried to comfort her but failed. Well...only mommy two jugs of milk can tame her from crying more. I hate those nails... And they are not getting shorter now after I failed to cut them earlier. Well...as father I will have to try again tomorrow...while she's sleeping. I got scolded for no reason... I deserved it though! Poor baby... Sorry my poor little thing...

Fathering Talks

I am fortunate to be able to compare notes with other fathers...friends of mine who are new in this area. we share our stories and talking father stuff which may differs from mothers. I do have my sisters and brothers too who are experience parents. They are very supportive giving parental ideas about babies. Although some may differ but I tend to look in between. Reading are good too but I am more of  a writing and converse person.

One of my friends has a one year old baby and another has a seven months. And there are several others with their second or third babies and their experience are more broader than mine...theirs are less nerve wrecking sort of thing. To me this is a totally brand new thing that every little thing freaks me off! A little scratch makes me jumpy and worry. Bad father I guess. And I don't know how people can harm or inflict wound to their baby (Baby P - RIP).

Soon to be 3 Months

Time flies! Really. We witnessed her first baby laugh about a week ago and that was a big surprise. And luckily we caught it on video. That's just the beginning of her lenghty chat cooing with us everytime we coo at her. And to my surprise though...she responds more cooing back if we speak her language...coo coo at her. And she seems to be reluctant responding when we speak the actual language...well...unless we said it cooingly. Tha's baby I guess. Great experience for new father like myself.

In less than two weeks time she will turn 3 months. Amazingly she turns to be a healthy baby and a wonderful child that does not demand too much from us especially her mother. She sleeps well at night and feed normally too. Her growth rate is an extra mile as most of our relatives say that she is chubby. But on the other hand...when you compare her with most babies out there she is rather small. But as long as she is healthy...I thanks God for that. That's all I am asking for.

Oh ya! We have to face another obstacle now. Bottle feeding seems to be difficult now. She really object to it and I am so worry when her mother is going back to work in a month time. I really do hope she will accept the top-up willingly next time. That's my only big time worry.

We've been busy taking her out in the park takking photos as the cold season is coming up. Gladly she's able to enjoy Fall during her first year and it was lovely out there. Thank God the weather is not that bad...especially here in Ireland. We still have sun peeking at us for a couple of hours daily and we took advantage of that beautiful sunny day...a little chilly though but she seems to be okay with it.

Bathing! She loves it! I really enjoy giving her bath as she really enjoy the warm water. She just sit on her little bath tub and enjoy every bit of it without making one noise. Afterward she is able to sleep well after the long warm bath. She gets more bath now up to five times a week. Well...that's my baby. Love her and enjoy every bit of her. I wouldn't regret a bit and will never want to lose a second seeing her growing...

1 Month to go...

This is the last month before Lorelai's mother goes back to work. It will be a sad day when the time comes. But as working parents we have no choice but to move on with life hoping for the best in everything we do. Knowing that her mother is going back to work soon, it seems that Lorelai is rejecting top-up during the past three weeks. We tried to feed her the top-up but was denied all the time with tears. We stopped after a short try. I dare not pursuing it as she keeps on pushing the bottle away...and even closing her mouth. And the funny thing was she had it before that. She has it all the time as we always give her top-up once or twice a day.

Well...today after we got back from our usual stroll...my wife decided to give it another try. And this time will be a longer try in which I dare not to do. So I let her do all the feeding and instead I did other things keeping myself busy. And there it goes. She started to deny the bottle. And her mother was still persistent. She refused it with a cry...a short one and then followed by a much longer one and louder cry. Jesus...I couldn't stand listening to her voice telling mommy that she didn't want it. And deep in my heart though I was asking my wife to stop it too as much as I wanted her to try longer.

After 11 weeks...I have never heard her crying as hard as that one this afternoon. She really mean her cries. With tears pouring and ran down her lovely cheeks. And there I went...as much as I hated it...grabbed our camera and started filming the cry. Very sad and touching as she was begging her mommy to stop giving her the top-up. It was really excruciating to her her crying like that. I stopped the camera and went back doing my things. My eyes were burning as tears started to emerge slowly dropping drop by drop. I didn't even dare to look at them as she was still refusing the bottle.

I can tell that her mother too was crying inside her hating herself for doing this and hating me for not ahving the nerve to feed her. I told her that I wouldn't as I cannot stand listening to her crying. I will give up easily...just like that. Few days earlier I even yelled at my wife to stop the feeding as she started to cry louder. We both hated it but we have to do it. She has to accept the fact that mommy's "nenen" will be missed soon. Well...not until she gets back from work in the evening. It will have to be the bottle milk before that.

Her cries begged for mommy to stop until she gave up the struggle. She took the top-up with her eyes closed and making those baby noise probably saying that she still hated it although she's taking it. Well...that was our duty. After the feeding her mother cried. Our little place was filled with cold air as the situation turn gloomy after that. I decided to have my late lunch as they were conforting each other. Lorelai rested on her mother's chest...her favorite spot and gradually fell asleep. I quickly consumed my lunch, did the clean-up and washed myself so that I can take over looking after her while her mother eats. As usual she rested on my chest and sleep soundly before we moved into the bedroom as her mother started making cake occupying her mind getting rid of the cries that lingered in her head.